Her Broken Heart!













My little Princess turned 6 on June 11th. She went to school so pleased and happy and came home to be just as happy and pleased. I tried my best to make sure she had everything she wanted for her birthday. I did a really good job of accomplishing that. Though she didn’t go to school on the last day, we still had a pleasant day. Due to unforeseen circumstances Saturday didn’t go as planned for her party. We did get to spend time with one of me and Greg’s good friend and her adorable little boy. Though we had a great time decorating cupcakes and foam picture frames and door hangs. She ended up spending her evening crying on my chest until she went to sleep. The reason? None of her family she wanted to see came for her. Though I kind of expected that to happen and the boys have grown use to it. My precious princess holds a lot of faith in the people she loves and trusts. How could I break her heart and tell her the truth about people? The answer I couldn’t. I took the high road and told her, sometimes things come up in peoples lives and they probably got busy. However you know with our family we can always see them another time. The difference I noticed last night was my boys would normally hold their pain inside and just go to bed then wake up happy the next day. That wasn’t the case with my angel princess. Being a woman and growing up with broken hearts I know exactly how she felt. I just wrapped my eyes around her held her as tight as possible and gave her as many kisses as I possibly could.

My tip to parents who have to deal with this type of disappointment with their children girl or boy. Do your best to let them know how much you love them. If they have siblings let them know that as long as they have their parents and brothers or sisters they will always have a great time no matter what. As well never stop wrapping your arms around them in comfort. Kiss them as much as possible and do your best to preserve their innocence and their hearts. Be their protector when no one else will be. Tell them that sometimes what you do for other people they may not do the same for you. That doesn’t mean you have to love them any less, just tell them to never expect things from people that way they are never disappointed.

Unfortunately you may sometimes have to teach them these life lessons at a very early age. Just like I had to do with my precious little angel.
However, today she did wake up feeling much better playing and happy as always with her brothers, her dad and I. Her precious smile makes me want to keep her as precious as this for as long as I can.

Letting Go…

Letting go is hard to do…

When I became a mother all I ever focused on was making sure to take the best care of my children. Making sure they were fed, diapers were changed, naps were given and teaching was being taught. As the children became older. The focus became, making sure they became knowledgeable about the world and their surroundings. Now that I have one adult child, another one going off to college a soon to be 11 grader, 9th grader, 7th grader, 3rd grader and 1st grader next school year. It’s beginning to dawn on me they are really growing up. They will essentially all leave the nest one day. Due to most of the children being so close in age I could potentially have a child going off into the world every 2-4 years. My oldest child is already off on his own (Keith) As well, he texted me two nights ago saying he may be moving to Tennessee. Gulp! & Tears My second oldest (Christopher) will soon be going to college in the fall. Again many tears. My once little babies are all growing up on me.

I’ve been a mother longer than I have been an adult. I was a teen parent yes and not for one moment do I regret it. The point is, I don’t know how to be anything else than be a mother. My life has been solely focused on my children. I knew they would grow up but letting go is so hard to do. I tell my sons when they do things that I don’t agree with or when they get in trouble for schoolwork or bending the rules. You have to decide what type of man you want to be… As well what kind of example they want to show to their baby sister. Their actions may some day determine the type of man she may marry. I often hear that my children are good kids, well-mannered with good values and morals. That they are respectful, sweet, kind and hard-workers. It makes me feel good and lets me know that when they do leave. I know they will be able to make it on their own.

I often share my feelings with my husband (their father) and my therapist (long story) about my feelings. They both say the same thing, “It’s time you start finding things that make you happy. Making more time for Nika & Greg.” My response is how? All I ever wanted was to be everything to my children. Something I never had with my parents. All I ever wanted was to love them unconditionally, make my self available to them whenever they needed me. Again something I didn’t have from my parents. My heart doesn’t let me think about being Nika only about being mom. I will always be mom and they will always need me I know. But sending them off into the world is a scary thing to me. Especially since my heart has always belonged to them. Sending them into the world to start their own lives breaks a piece of me with each child that leaves home.